I recently went to my 30th high school reunion. Reality hit me hard as I watched the group gathered. Things had not really changed. I still hated high school.
Now, I’m not saying I didn’t like anyone there. You have to understand where I’m coming from.
When I was in high school, I was the extremely introverted nerd. I did not hang out with the popular kids mainly because I was not a party person. I preferred my books. In fact, most others made fun of me because i was so straight-laced. A guy talked to me, and I would blush brightly. I was mocked for attending church regularly. Once at a dance, I overheard my classmates mocking me. It only made me want to hide even more.
Since those days, I’ve opened up a lot. Yet I’m still a scared little girl inside. Large crowds have me in a panic because I just know they are talking about me and condemn how I look and how I act. I just want to cry when I’m around people even if I have known them for years. At that reunion, it all surfaced again a million times.
I felt so out of place. I hadn’t seen any of these people in thirty years. I wasn’t close to them then. I wasn’t close to them now. Few ever interacted with me online where we were connected. They knew nothing about me. Few cared. They walked right by and didn’t say a word.
In many ways, I’m a different person than I was in high school. Yet I’m still the same. Once again, I was alone in the sea of people. I didn’t fit in.
I’m glad I’ve moved on. Not many people want to relive high school. I now remember that. Lessons were learned, but my life is in the here and now.